Everyone knows girls like this. they have make-up caked so thick on their face, it looks like they're either a transvestite or...actually... pretty much, they just look like transvestites. Their eyebrows are often over plucked and sporadic that they resemble a prepubescent boys neither regions. They usually have damaged bleached hair, and the roots are ALWAYS showing, because although they can afford the latest trendhumper Coach purse, they couldn't manage to get their muffin-topped asses to Target and splurge that bottle of Clairol dye. They speak with a squeaky tone of voice that sounds like a starving French poodle than an actual adult. They spend 18 hours a day taking myspace of pictures at various angles to hide their butterfaces, 2 hours applying eyeliner, 2 hours blowing random dudes behind Carl's Jr, and 2 hours up in the gym just working on their fitness. And they actually quote Fergie when they do so...she is their queen. The Head Beast in Charge. They like to regale you with tales of their frequent drunken stupors that are in fact NOT funny, but usually end with a bit of anal sex and maybe a line or two. That's the one thing. They all think they are amazingly witty and interesting. Hate to break it you fool, but he's looking the jugs not the mug. This frightening subset of the human species goes by many names, but I chose to call them wildebeests.
I wrote this today to ask you, wildebeests of he world. Why do you act this way? why do you sport your fake tan so proudly. Is it cool to look like an Oompa Loompa nowadays? Is it cool to parade your ample amounts of skeet-stained cleavage like there is no tomorrow? Cause sadly there is a tomorrow....and if I am forced to see one of you fools walking down the streets again I might you smack you with the back of my hand. It will hard. I took taekwondo for like, 3 months. Trust me, I am skilled.
If you see one of these creatures do not approach. They will most likely drone on about last week's Gossip Girl, next week's Top Model, and this week's nose job. Slowly slink away. Or if you're feeling adventurous and ready a possible STD, dig a manhole and lure her there by playing "Cyclone"
